I've Got the Blues

We have officially enter the winter doldrums. Or at least, I have. I know, I know, some people would argue that I'm choosing to live in in this tundra so if I'm that miserable I should just leave. And sometimes I really wish we would leave. (San Diego anyone?) But, our families are here and our life is here. So I guess I'm just going to have to find a way to embrace winter in the Midwest. (Do I say this same thing every year?)

I keep telling myself that one of these winters I will figure out a way to enjoy the season. That I will find winter activities that make the snow and cold more bearable.

This year we've at least started by getting the girls out ice skating. With a former hockey player as a husband I'm a little surprised it hasn't happened sooner, but at least it's happening now. And both of the girls seem to really love the ice, which is good news for those winter doldrums I've been complaining about.

And, in related news, the weather has warmed significantly so at least getting out of the house feels at lot less overwhelming and a lot more doable.

Our frigid Monday. Modern Family and an evening treat.

Peppermint tea for the ladies before bed.

Paige fell asleep mid-tv show. Smile. Hope's birthday cake (for her party). She lost her first tooth.

Yes, someday I'll be one of these hearty Midwesterners that scoff at below zero temperatures and have as many outdoor things to do when it's freezing as she does when it's hot. (Maybe.)

And I'm not-at-all jealous that my brother-in-law and niece are going to Texas this next weekend at all. Nope. (Except that I totally am.)

Any thoughts on how to beat some winter blues? I'm taking any and all suggestions.

xoxo, christine

How Many Synonyms Can You Think of for "Flippin' Freezing"?

As anyone and everyone around the Midwest (and probably even the country) knows, it is disgustingly and dangerously cold today. In fact, it is so cold that our governor cancelled school today and several school districts have cancelled school for tomorrow as well.

Poor Hope wanted to spend the day with friends but as I have no desire to even open the door (let alone run from the house to the car) we're not going anywhere and I'm pretty sure we will be hard-pressed to find anyone else willing to venture over.

The birthday girl and her Oreo Cupcake

I feel like I'm living in the movie The Day After Tomorrow where the temperature drops so low that fuel lines freeze in helicopters.

Luckily, I'm not opposed to spending the day watching movies, snacking, and making a mess, so hopefully we'll enjoy the next couple days closed off from the world.

Big sister isn't the only one who got her hair cut. She needed it, but I'm mourning the loss of her curls.

In other news, I have decided to make an effort to use my camera more again this year. I'm not exactly sure if I will be participating in Project 365 like a did a few years ago, but I have really let my personal interests slide and I'm not okay with that. If I have something like a photo a day (and weekly photo dumps here) to keep me accountable then maybe I'll get back into one of the ways I nurture my soul.

Learning the fine art of the Rainbow Loom

(Also? I lied. I did open the door. For the Jimmy John's delivery guy. Don't worry, I tipped well for making him come out in tundra.)

Some sort of clue-finding game

Well, I'm off to start up another movie for my kids, snuggle under a big blanket on the couch, and sip some hot tea.

Stay warm!

xoxo, christine

Six.

To my first-born,

Today, my beautiful daughter, you turn six years old. Today we celebrate your life, your joy, your 'you-ness'.

You have brought so much into our lives, starting with that first positive pregnancy test six years and nine months ago, to today. You are such a sweet joy, full of light and love for the world.

This past year you have really opened up. You have grown from a timid little five-year-old into a confident six-year-old. You are no longer afraid to try new things, and even jump right into them. Kindergarten has taken me by surprise with how much you love it, how easily you dance onto the bus, how much you come home having learned.

Your interests are becoming fine-tuned with an absolute love of art, adoration of puppies (and most animals), and a wonder for being and playing outside. (The kind of wonder and joy I remember having when I played outside for what felt like hours, even by myself, as a kid.)

I love watching you at your tennis lessons because you look like you are having so much fun, skittering around the court and learning something new. I loved watching you put on your first pair of ice skates and slipping and sliding around the ice. And even though you kept falling, you didn't give up. You didn't even want to hold onto me, instead telling me, I want to do it myself, Mom.

As you grow up you are learning the meaning (and use) of grown-up words and how sometimes they aren't literal but figures of speech. And even though sometimes I wish you'd stop growing (it's happening so fast!) I love that you are growing up and becoming more and more of your own person.

Even though I sometimes claim you are emotional, you keep most of your feelings and emotions inside, something that worries my mama-heart. I want you to know that I am always here for you, and that I want to hear what you are thinking and how you are feeling whenever you need to talk.

I love you from the tips of my fingers, with every beat of my heart, to the tips of my toes. I wish I could explain to you how my love for you is bursting in every cell of my body.

Today is a new year for everyone, but for you it is a doubly over, filled with the possibility of 2014 and also being a new age, six.

I wish for you to be happy with who you are, to be healthy, to find joy in your life. I wish for you to always know how much you are loved, how special you are, how much the world needs your amazingness.

Happy Birthday, Hope Margaret!

xoxo, mommy

Let There Be Peace on Earth (and let it begin with me)

I just spent the better part of an hour reading the comments from an essay written by an atheist about celebrating Christmas. The essay itself was, for me, unremarkable. It was the comment section that left me breathless.

The comments, as I'm sure you can imagine if you've ever read comments online, range from ridiculous to moderately sane, from atheists, agnostics, and Christians alike. To be fair, I did not read them all (so maybe there were more pleasant or sane ones than those I read), but overall it left me feeling really sad.

I don't understand why people don't just get along. Why we all can't just respect each other. Why we all feel the need to be rude and resentful or judge and criticize other people.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. But just because I believe these things doesn't mean I can't respect and even love someone who doesn't. It doesn't matter if Jesus was the first person to ever preach about goodness and kindness (I am pretty confident he wasn't). Whether or not your belief in goodness and kindness comes from Jesus or Buddha or the humanity itself really doesn't matter to me. (And it shouldn't matter to anyone else.)

Isn't that what is most important?

I don't know. Perhaps I am being blasphemes for thinking I can be a Christian and think it's more important to be a good person than to believe in God. But I guess I think it's okay. I'm sure some (many) could find fault in this. I'm sure some (many) could claim I am "cherry-picking" my Christianity. And to that I say oh well. My personal faith (and any possible challenges about my faith) are my own.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I also happen to believe in being kind, compassionate, and loving. And I know numerous people (some close friends) who don't believe in God but also believe in kindness, compassion, and love. Whether or not they believe in God has no influence on whether or not they are my friend. And I'm pretty sure they would say the same about me.

What would the world be like if we all were the same, all believed the same? I just wish we could respect our differing opinions as opposed to argue.

Just as an aside: I have had plenty of times I've initiated conflict and been very judgmental (especially talking politics) so I'm not pretending I'm above anything or anyone. I just wish we could all be nice to each other.

If you believe in being a good person, and I believe in being a good person, whether that belief comes from one place or another shouldn't matter. If we both claim to be good people, shouldn't we be nice to each other?

Yes. Just yes.

As this year is ending and a new one is beginning I am sending love and respect out into the universe.

Whatever you believe or don't believe I wish for you: love for your neighbor, love for yourself, and peace in your heart this coming new year.

xoxo, christine

Do You See What I See?

I didn't want to do Christmas cards this year. I don't want to do Christmas cards. Every other holiday tradition feels joyful. I wanted to cut down a Christmas tree, decorate the house, bake cookies, because all of those things are important traditions I want my girls to have and enjoy. But Christmas cards? I'm just not feeling it this year. Whether or not we send those out don't really affect the kind of Christmas memories my children have.

I don't feel like sending out a card full of happy smiling faces when I feel like our year hasn't been all that happy. Oh, yes, we have been blessed with many happy moments throughout the year, but overall well, the year sucked. Sending out cards doesn't feel right to me, nor important.

My husband, on the other hand, takes comfort in sending out cards to his family and friends (who he doesn't see regularly) to let them know that we are all alive and okay. (Whether or not we are okay is debatable to me.) But I understand his need, even if it is different than my own.

This week Adam made some cards, and at the last minute he ordered a few for me, but I'm not sure whether or not I'll actually address them and send them out. I felt guilty when he was putting in his order that only some of our friends and family would get a card and others (namely, mine) would not. But aside from the guilt I don't know why I did it, because I just don't want to send cards. I don't. I really, truly don't.

Most things I am holding on to and even excited about because I have the girls to think about and be excited with. Christmas cards? I just don't want to think about sending something out without Calvin's name on it. It feels like I'm pretending our year was all smiles when I feel like it was mostly tears. Like I am pretending this past year was something different than it actually was.

(So, you're probably not going to get a Christmas card from me.)

xoxo, christine

Winter Wonderland

So, I read an article about "secrets for happier holidays" and one of the recommendations was to find the single thing you value most (ie. Is it spending as much time with family as possible? Drinking eggnog? Stress-free joy? Etc.).

While I would love to declare that stress-free joy is at the top of my list (oh how I long for stress-free), the thing I value most about this holiday season is making memories and keeping traditions with my children. Unfortunately, stress-free joy does not go hand-in-hand with children, so I'm going to have to let that go. Anyway, the whole point of it all is that this way I'm making a choice about what is most important and I shouldn't feel resentful for what all goes into these memory making and traditions because it is what is most important to me.

Here's to not letting the stress of gingerbread houses and rearranging Christmas decorations get to me.

* * *

Despite the disgustingly cold weather, we snuck in one tradition this past weekend of going out to a tree farm and cutting down our own tree. It was nose-numbing cold, but Hope didn't seem to notice as she frolicked through the snow and pointed out possible trees to take home.

It is most definitely winter here, even though the calendar claims we still have eleven days until it's official. The temperatures in the negatives, the mounds of snow, and the ice-covered roads call the meteorologists bluff of Winter Solstice.

* * *

On another note, I've been half-successful with my holiday fasting I proclaimed in my previous post. I will happily report that I have not played Candy Crush since, and have spent significantly less time on the computer while watching television. I am, however, still checking Facebook and email (although not as frequently). I have yet to have some awe-inspiring epiphany or magical moment of clarity, but at the same time I do feel a little more focused than I have in the past weeks.

* * *

I wish I could say that December so far has been all joy and excitement and family and fun. But, even though there's been significant amounts of stress, it has been good. The girls are so excited about every little thing and it's hard for that excitement not to rub off on me too.

Time to gather up the girls to decorate the tree. Another memory to make.

xoxo, christine

Holiday Fasting

I think I need a technology break. Or at least a cut-back. I am feeling tired and emotional, and am wasting way too much time playing Candy Crush, checking Facebook, and just dinking around on the internet.

It seems silly to make some sort of statement about taking a technology break, especially here on a blog. But I am writing about it, simply because I'm hopeful it will help me follow through with my fast. (Also hopefully no one while think I'm being rude if I don't respond on Facebook for awhile.)

It's not that I want to stop completely, but I feel like I'm living such a distracted life, I can't just do one thing at a time. It's gotten so bad that I'm crushing candies on the iPad while watching television and I'm not really focused on either thing. Plus, I lay in bed at night and can't get visions of striped candies wiping out rows of red and green and yellow out of my head.

Of course, I'm totally okay with doing two things at once when I'm having a conversation with my daughter while driving, or listening to music while cooking, but I just don't feel very present in my life. And I'm not okay with that. This holiday season seems like the perfect time of year to take a technology fast and just be.

If you don't hear a lot from me (mostly via Facebook since I haven't been blogging very regularly anyway), it's because I'm enjoying my December with my family. And taking some time to read. And take more photos. And journal. And just be.



xoxo, christine