I am sitting at my computer, fingers begging to type. Thoughts tickling for a release. But instead of the blog, I pull up my journal.
I am too afraid, too self-conscious, too insecure.
I have nothing to write about.
What if it isn’t funny? What if it isn’t interesting? What if it isn’t good?
What if people don’t like me?
Here it is easy and familiar. Here I am safe.
I am doing this for them. But really I am doing this for me. I am looking for something else. Something more to do. Something more to be.
What if I don’t find it?
What does that mean?
I am safer with no audience. I am comfortable. But I think I may be missing something too.
***
Linked up at
***
Linked up at
And yet, you posted.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is relatable and well written and brave.
It is more than enough- much more.
(I'm so glad that you posted.)
Such is life with having a public blog, no?
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling.
ReplyDeleteThis might sound trite and weird, but I'm telling you, blogging helped me find my voice when I felt misunderstood. It helped me make new friends when my old friends didn't understand life with kids. Blogging opened a sliver of light in a place that had grown dim within me (while having babies, being pregnant, fulfilling everyone else's needs). And now, in many ways, I feel more connected, more myself, than ever. Keep typing. Keep putting it out there. We're reading. I'll write more, privately...(and so far, I really like you! and i look forward to all you have to say). This was so well-said.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you did it. I felt the same way. Why would anyone want to read me? But people do. And even if something doesn't get a ton of traffic, it makes me a better person to write. More sane.
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Enjoy the ride!
I'm glad you posted and linked up, too, so I could find you!
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to put ourselves out there- but the friendships, understanding, and support are amazing and so worth it.
I have that doubt often! And you turned it into a post that nearly all of us can relate to.
ReplyDeletewe've all sat in front of that blinking cursor a time or two and struggled with the same issues you have so bravely, and beautifully articulated. I wrote about that ever-burning desire to be more myself...
ReplyDeleteLonging Under A Liar's Moon
So glad you shared today. I think you will find it a most rewarding thing to discover your own true voice. Welcome!
Oh this is great! I know that feeling so well.
ReplyDeleteDo it. I've written my worst and most unfunny stuff, and it's been great. Others will appreciate it, and you'll feel better for it for all sorts of reasons.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to put yourself out there. I completely get that, I wonder about what to share, will I have regrets. It is a leap of faith to post it and sometimes very freeing.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel but I have been much more able to process my own feelings by writing it out in public. It is scary and there may be people who aren't kind but overall I have seen nothing but encouragement so far
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted, too!
ReplyDeleteI think we've all been in this place, I hope you find your comfort zone :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you posted. And linked up. I just posted and hoped and prayed no-one injured my ego too badly.
ReplyDeleteAnd they didn't. :)
Baby steps. Baby steps. I think the first few posts are the hardest. Hang in there. Can't wait to see what you type out next.
I know *exactly* what you mean - whenever I start having a little doubt then suddenly I feel as though nothing I post is funny and it's SO hard to expose yourself through that.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it won't be funny, even though you tried. Sometimes people won't get it, won't understand. But sometimes, they will, and when they do, they will love you for it. Putting yourself out there is tough. But for me? It's worth it.
ReplyDeleteYou found the perfect place to link up with Shell. Everyone is so respectful and so supportive. I tend to lean on my pen more too. I leave a lot of the more personal words for myself and share the abridged version on my blog. I always feel better after hitting publish though...every time. Hope to keep seeing you!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this 100%. I could have written it myself. I'm so glad you posted this and linked up with Shell.
ReplyDeleteThank you all so VERY much for the support! So so appreciated!!
ReplyDelete