It Doesn't Always Start Out as a Good Night

My Wednesday night consisted of:

OH MY GOODNESS I AM DONE WITH ALL THINGS AND THE WHINING AND THE CRYING AND THE COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND THE NOT EATING DINNER AND THE MESSES IN EVERY ROOM AND I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE AND I AM DONE WITH ALL THINGS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE JUST GO TO SLEEP.

And even though I was feeling all the things, I was at the same time trying to be understanding because my six-year-old had been up since before 6:30am and hadn't eaten anything since 4:00pm and who wouldn't be crabby given that equation?

Heck, I got more sleep than she did, ate an actual dinner, and by the end of the night I was ready to throw up my hands, stomp my feet, and scream and cry and hide under the covers.

I managed to get them to bed with very minimal yelling (go me!) but perhaps a lot of frustration and exasperation (well, you win some you lose some), but once they were all snuggled and tucked in bed and we all breathed a big End Of The Day Sigh the day was over and we all survived.

As I tucked my six-year-old in and sat with her I had a fleeting moment of major mom guilt, because of course she was falling apart tonight and why wasn't I more patient and understanding? Shortly before her eyes closed I reminded her how much I love her and how sorry I was that today was so hard for her and how sorry I was that I got so frustrated.

And mostly the mom guilt passed me by as I kissed their foreheads and brushed the hair off their faces and remembered that even with all the hard things I love them so much and I love being a mother. I love being their mother. And I would do it all a million times over, even the hard times, even if I'm not the greatest and bestest at handling those hard times.

We all have easy days and hard days, good moments and bad moments, six-year-olds, three-year-olds and moms alike. It was perhaps not my best night, but I certainly have had worse parenting outbursts, and at least I was able to (mostly) keep the ALL CAPS feelings inside -- although I was extremely tempted to "yell" my frustrations out on Facebook.

I survived. We survived. And we even ended the night with a hug and kiss and a happy good-night, which isn't always the case in these situations. They fell asleep almost instantaneously, while I curled up in front of the tv with a glass of milk and an extra large brownie.

And we all had sweet dreams. Good night.

xoxo, christine