Goodnight and What Should I Do?

They are sleeping, the three of them. One tucked between railings with her arms resting up by her head. The other two sprawled next to each other in the double bed, heads off of the pillows, hair tousled in their faces.

I here I sit, with the knowledge that they are warm and cozy and (most importantly) quiet, and I try to decide what I want to do. Should I watch TV? I don't have any must see TV that I watch anymore, but I'm sure I could find something to zone out to. Should I read? I definitely would, except I don't have a book right now. Note to self, get to the library. Should I practice my German? Thank goodness for Duolingo. Should I check Instagram? I need to pick a photo to post. Should I get on the computer? Do some Amazon browsing? Download and edit some photos? Check Facebook? Organize my emails? Watch a movie? Read a magazine? Journal? Sew?

It's like, as soon as I know that the girls are safely asleep I feel like there are about a million things I need to do. None of which, you will note, is folding laundry or doing dishes. (Even though those most assuredly need to be done.)

Mostly, I should make sure to get myself to bed at a decent time. Yet the earlier the kids fall asleep the harder it seems to be for me to go to bed myself. I know, deep down I know, that I need to go to bed and get some sleep. But there's something in me that fights it. I can't possibly go to sleep yet. This is the only kid-free time I have! I have to doallthethings before I go to bed. Even though I'm going to regret staying up until one in the morning when I have to get up tomorrow at seven because the toddler is awake and ready to play, I still stay up until an unnatural time because WHAT ELSE CAN I DO!? THE CHILDREN ARE ALL SLEEPING!! I MUST FIND THINGS TO DO BECAUSE I CAN DO THEM WITHOUT LITTLE ONES AROUND! AND QUICK LET'S DO SOMETHING ELSE EVEN THOUGH I'M EXHAUSTED AND SHOULD GO TO SLEEP, WHAT ELSE CAN I DO WITH ALL THIS TIME!?!?

And all-of-a-sudden I have whittled away my night on pointless internet wanderings and it's midnight and my coach has turned back into a pumpkin and I am going to regret it all in the morning.

And when I do regret it in the morning I tell myself that I will go to bed early that night. But do I go to bed early? Of course not. The vicious cycle just continues on. And on. And on.

To which I say, TONIGHT! TONIGHT it will end! (Even though I know that it won't because it's already after ten o'clock and I'm not nearly close to being done with my random internet searches.)

So goodnight! And off I go to Google something very important and urgent that can't possibly wait until tomorrow. (But of course you know that this is sarcasm because I waste my nights on the internet on things that really are not so important.)

xoxo, christine