I Hope You Know

Do you know how many days it's been since we last talked? I don't either, although I know I could figure it out if I really wanted to. But I don't really want to. I don't want to know how long it has been since I heard your voice, since we whispered secrets, since our laughter sang a duet.

I don't know why it is so difficult. Because it's not difficult at all. How hard is it to pick up the phone? I don't even have to dial your number. One finger tap and your name pops up, the phone ringing as I wait to connect.

I used to think that our conversations were so sporadic because we thought we needed to have hours available to catch up and reconnect. But we have agreed time and time again that even five minutes is better than nothing. That we both would rather have a few short moments at more frequent intervals than to go so long in between talking. And yet.

I hope that you know it's unintentional. I hope that you know that I am not avoiding you. That I don't purposely think about not calling you. That I don't sit around thinking about how I should call you and then don't.

I hope that you know you are still so very important to me. I hope that you know that I think about you every day and wonder what you are doing and how you are feeling.

I hope that you know that I don't take our relationship for granted. That I know the reason we are so close is because of you. I know that it's because of me too, but I hope that you know I see what you've put into our relationship. That I can not imagine having someone else where you are, or (even worse) not having someone there at all.

I hope that you know that I miss you like crazy and wish we lived closer.

I am lucky because I have never known my life without you in it. You have always been there, a constant person, another someone in my life who I know will hold me close, whether I'm laughing or crying. I hope you know I will do the same for you.

No matter how many minutes, hours, days, or weeks go by between seeing you or even hearing you, you will always be right here.

I wonder if when I saw you for the first time I knew. I wonder if I knew who you were and who we would become together. You will always be the first friend my heart grabbed ahold of. And it will never let go.

I love you.

xoxo, christine