We ended up with a half a bowl of soggy Cheerios and milk on our floor. And I'm annoyed. I am so annoyed. I'm annoyed that we have carpet in our dining room because, who puts carpet under a table that gets eaten at? Even though I know people put carpet in formal dining rooms all the time, it's just that ours isn't formal, it's the only eating area in the entire house, unless you count on the couch in front of the TV. So, why!? Why? Why did anyone think carpet under the table is a good idea? And why didn't my husband and I change that when we first moved in?
So I'm annoyed we have carpet under the table. I'm annoyed that my four-year-old decided to eat her bowl of cereal under the table causing her younger sister to follow suit, thus spilling said bowl. I'm annoyed that they wanted cereal for a snack in the first place. But mostly I'm annoyed with myself. My annoyance and disgust were not masked when shouting at them to get out from under the table and then huffing and puffing while scooping and blotting the mess. (And will there now be a stink of milk under our table?)
I'm annoyed with myself for not remaining more calm. For not reassuring my two-year-old that it's okay. It's not a big deal. Because it is okay, and it's not a big deal.
And I wonder why I can't. Why can't I relax? Why can't I stay calm? Why is that as I am trying harder and harder to look inside myself and find my inner peace and happiness, I seem to so much more easily lose my cool? Or am I really losing it more or is it just than I'm noticing it more?
And now they're in the tub because, well, they need a bath today, and also because when I'm spiraling down into a cycle of annoyance and yelling I find that changing what we're doing usually helps. Except when it doesn't. So, I am just praying that it is working. And the rest of the night will be good. Because, yes, it is so good.