Nov 30, 2015

The End

Well, today is the last day. The last day of writing every day this month. And the last day before I officially start work. Starting tomorrow I will no longer be scrambling to find something to write about every day. And I will no longer be a one hundred percent stay-at-home mom.

I'm not too worried about starting work. I don't feel nervous, in fact I think it will go well. But, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and a bit...well, nervous. Not nervous for the job, but nervous to not be a stay-at-home mom anymore. I know, it's an extremely part-time position, only three mornings a week. I can hardly call myself a "working mother" now. But for me, who has been full time at home with my kids since 2008, this is a huge change.

I am nervous about the change.

I know that everything will be fine. The job will be fine. I will be fine. Nora will be fine. My mom will be fine. But I am still worried about how my mamaheart is going to feel tomorrow when it's time to say goodbye to Nora. Logically, I know that it is no different tomorrow than it is any other time my mom has watched Nora for me, but my heart knows that it's different because it's not just one appointment. It's not just here and there. It's not just once in awhile.

That is why, as I get ready for bed tonight, as I lay out clothes for tomorrow, as I start packing the girls' lunches, my hands feel shaky, my heart feels flip-floppy, and my eyes feel teary.

Everything will be okay. I'm not too worried about Nora. Although she may have a bit of an adjustment ahead of her, she also might not even notice the difference. And this job? It's a good opportunity for me, and a really good fit, for our family right now.

Maybe I just need to pretend that I'm going off to an appointment tomorrow. Maybe that will make me feel less sad, less guilty, less heartbroken about leaving Nora. Maybe I'll just pretend I'm going to an appointment every morning. Until the day that I don't. Because I know that someday (probably sooner than I realize) this will be the Normal, the Regular, the Routine. And everyone will be just fine. Even me.


Thanks for reading my ramblings this past month. I'm really hoping to continue writing more regularly, although not every day.

Happy December!

xoxo, christine

Nov 29, 2015

Writing this Month

The month of November is coming to an end and so does my month of daily blogging. Things I have learned from blogging every day this month:

1. I'm not particularly happy with most of my writing from this past month. The quality is not the greatest, even though the quantity is plentiful. I think that writing every day does not bring out the best for me, yet I realize I'm not happy with only writing once per month either. So, I need to find a happy medium between almost never and every day.

2. If I want to keep writing regularly, I need to make it more of a priority. I'm not going to get up early to write (I can barely get up to get my kids on the bus in time), and when I try to write late at night I can hardly focus. So, either pull myself together and focus at night or find time during the day.

3. Instagram is so much easier than blogging. More fun too.

4. There are some things that I want to write about here but feel like I can't. But sometimes I really want to get things out, so then I settle for journaling.

5. Even though I'm not impressed with the quality of my writing lately, I am glad I've been writing more. I've missed it. And I'm going to try to do it more regularly. Because writing and taking the time for writing, is one thing that feeds me.

One more day to go!

xoxo, christine

Nov 28, 2015

And With That Break Is Almost Over

I am not ready for tomorrow to be Sunday. I am not ready for the weekend to be over. I am not ready for the girls to go back to school, for Adam to go back to work, for our regularly scheduled life to start back up.

It has been so relaxing being away from the stress of everyday life. No worrying about laundry or vacuuming. No walking into the bathroom and being reminded by the grime that I still haven't gotten around to cleaning the sink (or bathtub or toilet). No dishes piling up in the sink. No grocery lists to make. No furnace not working, then kind of working, then teasing us that next year our budget might need to include a new one.

Being with family has been wonderful. The older girls have been playing with their cousins almost non-stop, meaning they don't require a lot of extra time and energy from me. And having other adults around is always helpful with Miss Nora May. And I have gotten to read an entire book and watch cheesy Christmas movies.

This weekend launched me into full mode Christmas cheer, and I guess I'm a little afraid that break ending will dim the light that's been lit in me this weekend. But maybe if we crank up the Christmas music, and I keep up my streak of Christmas movie viewing it'll help keep some of that regular-every-day-stress at bay.

I'll try anyway.

Happy beginning of the Christmas season!

xoxo, christine

Nov 27, 2015

Friday Five

Well, another day, another lack of writing inspiration. Time for Five Random Things again.

1. It is the day after Thanksgiving and we are watching sap-filled but oh-so-uplifting Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel. They make me giggle, and sometimes snort in cheesiness, but at the same time, when the news if full of so much fear and bad, it's nice to numb my mind a bit with something that I know will be joy-filled with a happy ending.

2. I got matching winter pj's for all three of my girls. At ten dollars a pop it still feels like a lot of money to spend, but I am so excited. I wanted to get them matching jammies, but it's hard to find the same pattern in all three of the right sizes. Also, a pattern that all three girls will actually want to wear. Now, let's just hope I can get them to wear them at the same time.

3. I read a book in one sitting on Wednesday night. I stayed up until two in the morning finishing the book. I know. I know. I don't know how I get so caught up reading. It is absolutely ridiculous and it's not like the ending of the book is going to change if I finish it the next day.

4. I am so tired I am almost literally nodding off as I write this. So, maybe should be getting to bed before two o'clock tonight. And all nights.

5.  My oldest is sleeping over with her cousins. She was up around 6:15 this morning and I'm sure will be up late tonight because who goes to bed early at a sleepover. So I'm sure tomorrow will be a pleasant day for us all. But, it's Thanksgiving break and I'm glad that she has the chance to be with her cousins, who she absolutely adores.

And that's it. Good night.

xoxo, christine

Nov 26, 2015

Peace and Thanks

I am thankful that when there is so much sorrow and scary in the world, I can turn into my people and be reminded how much hope and love and peace there is too.

Even though the whole world does not celebrate the holiday, I am wishing a very happy and peaceful Thanksgiving to the world today. Because everyone deserves peace.

xoxo, christine

Nov 25, 2015

Sweet Thanksgiving Eve

It is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I have memories of spending the evening peeling and slicing apples as my family sat around the kitchen table preparing apple strudel. It probably wasn't every year, but the tradition is so set in my mind that I remember it like it was.

We have not continued the tradition of apple strudel the night before Thanksgiving, although I still have hopes that as the girls get older we will. I don't even care for cooked apples, but the memories of Thanksgiving weekends past are full of so much joy in my heart that I would love to continue the tradition with my own family.

We are not in the kitchen mixing the scents of cinnamon with sugar and apple, but we are with family, and my husband is in the kitchen doing some Thanksgiving prep. The stuffing family recipe is well under way and the turkey is receiving its preparations for tomorrow. The baby is asleep after a long day with a short nap, and the two older girls are watching "Despicable Me" with their grandpa.

Spending time with family, that's what makes the holiday special. No, we are not in the middle of apple strudel central tonight, but this weekend, this holiday, these memories, they are just as sweet.

xoxo, christine

Nov 24, 2015

A Post About Not Having A Post

I have started and restarted this post about twenty-four times. Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but I have started it a couple of times, and the rest of the time I've just been staring at a blank screen, the cursor blinking at me. *blink*blink*blinkblinkblinkblink*

It is mocking me and my inability to extract coherent thoughts out from my mind. The words are there, at least I think they are, hiding in the corners. It's not just that I can find poetic words to express my thoughts, it's that I can't even find the thoughts to begin with.

*blink*blink*blinkblinkblink*blinkblinkblinkblinkblinkityblinkityblinkyblinkyboo*ha ha ha I'm laughing at you*


(By the way, the laundry is doing a similar routine. I'm being mocked by everything around me.)

In which case, it is time to concede defeat.

PS. This is one of my outtakes from trying to get a photo of all three girls.

xoxo, christine