Of course, my May Days were never quite this romanticized, and we most certainly did not participate in any May Basket deliveries this year, but maybe some day. If my visions come to fruition.
This spring has been difficult, as evidenced by my blogging... or lack thereof. It has been difficult and yet, it has been a good spring. A wonderful spring, in fact, if only because we found out Hope and Paige will be big sisters. And oh, this is something I've been wanting for a very long time so of course I am thrilled and excited and dancing for joy.
Except that I wasn't. Because all I feared was that I'd go to the bathroom and see some blood. Or that we'd see the doctor and there'd be no heartbeat. But slowly I've allowed myself to feel the excitement, even if the entire pregnancy there is a component of fear that hovers over me. So yes, we are having a baby and I am excited. I am thrilled. I am dancing for joy.
The weather and fatigue have been the hardest part of this year. We had a tease of spring over the weekend and of course are back in the forties. And the fatigue, it pretty much makes me want to lay on the couch all day and drift in and out of sleep.
But there are moments. If I really focus on it, there are a lot of moments. Good moments. Moments I am a motivated mom, moments I have a burst of energy and fold some clothes, make some dinner, straighten the house. Moments that are happy and silly and not filled with irritation or grouchiness (mine, not theirs). Moments that remind me that I am doing things right, that even if we go a few days with too much TV or snacks for lunch, my kids are happy, they know they are loved.
So I give myself permission to have raging hormones, to have less patience, to need more breaks. And I give myself permission to let it go, to apologize, to try again tomorrow. We are doing well, even if some days I'm not so sure we are.
And I'm hopeful that as the summer arrives (if it ever arrives) those bursts of energy will be more frequent and last longer so that the girls and I can enjoy the sun, and maybe I can even get back to this blogging thing.
|Enjoying one nice day last weekend|