May 12, 2014

A Thick Fog has Settled In

I have not felt like myself lately. I have been distracted, like I can't get a clear view of the thoughts in my head, and I certainly can't focus on conversations happening around me, even when I'm in the middle of one. I have felt moody and irritable, even more so than usual. I am tired, and I feel like I'm not getting enough sleep. (Pretty sure I just heard my husband guffaw at that one.)

I was kind of chalking up the moodiness to the approaching Mother's Day, a reminder of my two beautiful daughters, but also of my son who is not with us. Every time my husband asked about what I might want for Mother's Day I just sort of shrugged, not really eager to celebrate or think about the day. In fact, one of the only reasons I acknowledged the day yesterday was because both Hope and Paige knew it was Mother's Day and were super excited about it and to give me the little things they made in school. (Which, by the way, was totally adorable and so worth it in every way.)

The day itself was actually not too bad, I enjoyed being with my girls. But the days leading up to yesterday were rough. And I still feel like I have a little bit of an irritability hangover from all the emotions last week.

My mind still feels fuzzy. I don't know if it's "pregnancy brain" as I've heard people call it, or something else entirely, but I know that even when I'm talking with friends I feel distracted, like I can't quite put my full attention into what they're saying. Which is a pretty crappy feeling, to be honest, because I don't like to seem unengaged when I'm with people.

I kind of feel like hibernating. Like maybe I should just spend these last few months of pregnancy snuggled up at home, taking long naps, and avoiding complex conversations (which at this point kinda feels like all conversation).

Even this post feels untethered. I can't quite focus hard enough to make sure that what I'm saying makes sense, or if it fits all together. So I'm just going to go ahead and assume that even in my confusion, if people don't understand what I'm saying, they'll at least understand that I'm foggy.

And maybe I'll try to take a long nap this afternoon, too.

xoxo, christine

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