I just... I can't.
I am sad for our community, our country, our world.
I know that there is a lot I don't understand. A lot I don't know. I tend to avoid the news because I just can't handle all the sadness, fear, and negativity. But of course, there are some things I can't avoid. Some things I shouldn't avoid.
I am sad for Michael Brown's family. And I am sad that this has led some people to vilify all police officers. I am sad that people don't understand that the protesting is about so much more than this one incident. That there is something incredibly BIG and deeply rooted in the history of our country that is still negatively affecting people. People whose skin just happens to be darker than mine.
I know that I don't know. I don't understand. I can't understand. But I can certainly try. I can certainly open my eyes and heart and try my damnedest to see where all these people are coming from.
I can not explain just how much my heart hurts when I hear about the pain and struggles and misunderstandings due to race. But, I know that I have no idea.
Most of the time I feel like I just can't handle it. But see, the thing is, if I feel like I can't handle it, I can just turn off my computer and look away. I have the luxury of not having to live it. My beautiful friend, even if she wants to look away, she can't. Because she lives it. She raises her son in it.
So I refuse to look away. I refuse to pretend I don't see it.
My heart hurts and I feel angry and I want to cry. I don't want to live in a world like this.
But. BUT. As my husband points out, we are talking about it. And I suppose, that can give me hope. I can hope and pray that people's ears open. That people's hearts open. That somehow, we continue to move in the right direction, further away from the I Have a Dream speech, but closer to the actual Dream.
I know that I am not eloquent when it comes to this topic. At all. Here is a wonderful post from Girl's Gone Child, if you feel so inclined. I love how she decides to explain some of Ferguson to her children so that they can understand. Also, this clip from John Stewart is a must. It's pretty long, but oh-my-goodness YES. Just, yes.