Crawling Out of A Lot

I haven't blogged much lately.  (Obviously.)  I have not fallen off the face of the earth.  And do not worry, I don't have a flashing DANGER sign above my head with a count down to self-destruct.  But I have not felt like blogging.  I have not felt like much, as a matter of fact.  I am tired.  And it's felt like a lot.

We have been dealing with...

...coughing, coughing fits, and interrupted sleep.

...doctor's appointments, bronchitis, double ear infections, and interrupted sleep.

...frustration, yelling, tears, from Hope, Paige, and (mostly) me, and interrupted sleep.

...dishes piling up, laundry piling up, dust bunnies piling up, negative self talk piling up, and interrupted sleep.

I know that I have so much to not complain about.  I have so much to feel grateful for, to be happy for.  But the gratefulness, the happiness have felt hard lately.  Which is then, of course, accompanied by a side of guilt.

I am doing the best that I can, I know, but it's hard to take any comfort in that when this "best" is not enough to keep my family happy -- let alone me.

I shudder to think what this winter would be like if we had the typical Minnesota winter of accumulated snow, single digit temperatures, and negative wind chills.

It will get better.  This I know.  Whether it is the winter, the interrupted sleep, my mental health, or something unknown that is contributing to my funk, it will get better.  It already has started to within the past several days.  But it's hard work.  And it's so much easier to let go and lose myself in the fatigue.

Luckily, I have supportive friends and wonderful family and that helps tremendously.  But if you happen to have an extra cup of coffee, a housekeeper, or a personal chef you could send my way, that couldn't hurt too.