Being Nice to Myself

Today I am trying.

Trying to be better, trying to be grateful, trying to be nice to myself.

It has been a bad morning.  Actually, it has been a rough couple weeks, and it all boiled over this morning.  In all honesty, if you asked, I don't think I could even explain why it's been rough.  It just has.  And I have not been very nice to myself because of it.

So today, I am trying.

I am taking deep breaths and focusing on patience instead of frustration.  I am looking at my sink full of dishes and trying to have this positive mindset from Four Plus an Angel.  I am congratulating myself on every victory, no matter how small.

Because it is hard.  Some days, it is really hard.

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted.  Meeting all the needs of the girls before my own.  Having two girls hanging on me both physically and emotionally all day.

Being present all day.

So instead of trying to squeeze in something for myself and then being interrupted by a poopy diaper, a hungry mouth, a need other than my own, I am letting go.  I am turning away from the computer when Paige and Hope want to snuggle onto my lap (even if I am in mid-sentence).  I am shutting off the water and looking at the pictures the girls colored (even if I am in mid-dish).  I am leaving a basket of half folded laundry when someone wants to read a book.

Today, I am not "let me finish this up first" mom.  I am not "just a minute" mom.

I am vacuuming, if I can.  I am folding laundry, if I can.  I am doing something for myself, if I can.  But today, I am not going to be frustrated and irritated if it doesn't happen, if I get interrupted.

Some days I have to be "just a minute" mom.  Because things need to get done.  It is important for our household and for the girls to know and see this.

But today, for my own mental health and happiness I am letting everything else go.  Today, anything extra is a bonus, not a necessity.  Today, I am being nice to myself.

Today, I am accepting that my needs often have to come second.

And today I'm going to be okay with that.