We spend our weeks filled with gymnastics, preschool, appointments, errands, and play dates. I want to slow down, but not the good kind of slowing down of enjoying each moment and spending more time playing together at home, but the bad kind of slowing down where I want to curl up at home and avoid people.
The busy schedule keeps me going. And when I am out, I am smiling and feeling happy. I want to chat with people and make connections. But as soon as I am in the comfort of home, all that energy I used to be present on the go vanishes. And I am tired. Oh-so tired.
I am avoiding phone calls, delaying replying to emails, scheduling fewer play dates. I have not been a very good friend. I have not been myself.
As the girls recover from being sick and I am not up in the night with them, I do notice a difference. I am still exhausted, desperate for an ounce of energy, but I am also finding bits of it here and there. The television has been on for smaller amounts of time. The girls and I had a dance party in the kitchen before dinner. My nap yesterday was under an hour. I made some pb chocolate bars with two little helpers.
At night I try to praise myself for the good of the day, let go of everything else, and look forward to tomorrow.
And I will continue to do so, whether the day is hard, easy, or somewhere in between.
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oh, does this speak to my days too... so glad to know I am not alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Yes, glad to know I am not alone as well!
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