Feb 2, 2013

A Whole Lot of Nothing

Well, I was supposed to write a post with before and after photos from our upstairs project redo, but the upstairs was a bit of a mess from the girls playing and I was too lazy had too much going on to straighten up and get the "after" pictures taken.

Here we are, another week gone by and my husband remarking, "You've really fallen behind on your blogging." To which I disgustedly reminded him that it is my blog and there's no set amount of writing one is supposed to or not supposed to do. But it struck a nerve (which is why I say "disgustedly") because I haven't been writing as much lately (not just here but anywhere), and it's frustrating me. Mostly because I haven't been feeling inspired. Not that one must feel inspired to write (case in point = this blog post).

We are right smack dab in the middle of below zero temperatures, unknown Kindergarten futures, and a tug-of-war between cutting myself some parenting slack and fearing I'm failing my kids.

The good news is: the family vacation to San Diego is still on, and before there I am flying to NYC to visit my sister, alone, which won't necessarily be a break from the cold, but will still be a break. The Kindergarten stuff will pretty much work itself out. And that whole tug-of-war thing is kinda just the way I am, in search of the ever-illusive Right Way to parent each child with what I have and who I am.

I guess I am using these as excuses as to why my writing has slowed down, but to be honest I'm not even really sure what is going on. Every time I sort of think of a potential post it's either while I'm falling asleep at night (and then can't remember it in the morning) or I sit down to write it and feel like there was nothing to say in the first place.

And that's just my writing. All the photo taking I was experimenting with has kind of been slipping away from me too. I don't carry my camera around as much, and even when I do remember it I hardly remember to take the photo, let alone give myself time to set the mode to Manual.

It's not that I don't enjoy writing and photography anymore, I still very much do, I just seem to be... stuck. And I don't like thinking that way, I don't like the idea that I might be (or feel) stuck because who wants to be living their life that way?

Or maybe I'm not stuck, just my stories are. Because I'm not actually spending my days feeling stuck or lost or uninspired, it's just when I look for my creativity. My stories, they are somewhere inside but my usual ease in recording them is some how inhibited.

[insert inspiring way to get those creative juices flowing here]

Ah well. My five-year-old is currently building a snow man in the living room using blankets and pillows and has requested some help. I can take my inspiration from her.

Happy Weekend.


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