I am not in my happy place right now. Except, I'm not even really sure what that means.
I have no reason to be anything but happy. And I am. Mostly. I'm just not okay with the level of happiness right now.
At night I am in my bed and just want to crawl into bed with Hope. Or grab Paige out of her crib and bring the two of them into bed with me. But four people in our bed would never actually work for a night of sleep, even if two of the people are Littles. I just want to be with them. To see their bodies breathing and sweetly dreaming.
My energy tank is on empty, except the light isn't quite on...yet. And I just want to feel better and be happier and spend the day giving my two treasures exactly what they need in a Happy Mommy way.
I know that a lot of it is because of this sickness. It just.won't.go.away. Even though I am feeling better than I was, I am not Better. There is still too much TV. Too many foods of convenience. Too few moments of mommy play time.
I need to take better care of myself. But I'm not sure what that means, either.
The truth is I know that this is nothing. The down of today is so much littler than what it feels right now. I'm working on trying to figure my way out of this funk.