I have not been writing much lately. Not here, not in a journal, not anywhere. At first it felt foreign, stressful even, not taking the time to sit down and put down some words. But as the time went on, the feeling of writing and what that means for me slipped further away, until the wholeness that writing used to give me was nothing but a ghost of it's former self.
I could hardly remember the feeling of wanting it, of needing it. And the more time that passed without writing, the more I convinced myself that I guess I wasn't that interested in it. I guess it wasn't as big a part of me as I thought.
And I'm still unsure, even though sometimes I miss it.
I've always had a hard time sticking to something that doesn't have an obligation or expectation put on me by someone else.
In any case, a blogger I follow seems to have been experiencing something similar. And she put it all into words that spoke so much to me. At the end of October I decided to try to write every day during the month of November. And apparently, so has she:
I'm trying to blog everyday this November. Not because I really want to blog anymore, but because I want to write again. I want to exercise that muscle with words that have been sitting inside my head for many months. Writing is still a sweet release that unburdens my heart and gives me peace. I've been missing that. But I guess not missing it enough that I've taken the time to say hi here lately.
Anyway, it's a good post. I feel similarly to what she is saying. Blogging does not feel the same to me as it used to, although I do sometimes miss writing. Not blogging, just writing. Mostly I miss giving myself time to think and put those thoughts onto paper. I miss giving myself the time and permission to do something I enjoy.
So, here's to November. To stretching out my writing muscles. To deep breaths and open minds and letting out that sweet release.
And to more beautiful fall days full of the warmth of a full and happy heart.