I am not getting enough sleep. I can tell because I am on edge (more than usual), irritable (more than usual), and at night everything feels completely overwhelming and impossible.
This last one does happen, in fact, it used to happen a lot, but I have come to realize that the falling apart is due to lack of sleep. There are actually evenings where I can be overwhelmed with everything that needs to get crossed off the To Do List without having a nervous breakdown about it. But if my body isn't getting the rest it needs, night time is a bad time for me.
It's taken me a long time to realize this. Like, years and years. And still sometimes I forget. And then my husband will tell me, Go to bed. You just need to go to bed. And I get all upset and offended because what I am freaking out about is clearly important and urgent and worth freaking out about.
Except really it's not. Yes, it might be important, and it might even be urgent, but it very rarely is worth freaking out about. So, yes, he is right. And I know that. And most of the time I can accept that. Because when I do go to bed and wake up in the morning my mind feels clearer and my perspective is better.
That huge long impossible list is still just as huge and long but I know that I can focus on taking one thing at a time. The 'impossible' part of my mindset is taken out of the equation and amazingly I can figure out how to solve the problem. Or at least take the necessary steps in order to check something off my list.
And that is not happening right now. It's evening and all-of-a-sudden I am convinced that nothing will ever get finished, that any hobbies I have are pointless, and that everything is just.too.hard.
So sleep. I need more of it.
Go to bed, Christine. Just go to bed.