Jan 13, 2012

Does It Really Matter?

There's a lot of buzz going around about the Mom Wars (or at least, there's a lot of buzz around the internet, well, the internet community I stalk, anyway).

I read this post from Katie of Practical Parenting about The Great Mom Debate.  Alison from Mama Wants This wrote a beautiful post about What Motherhood Isn't.  And, from Sellabitmum, you can read the ever-hilarious Tracy's take on it here.

So, my understanding about the mom wars is that it is between working and stay-at-home moms and which choice is "best".  Apparently there is a new study that finds working mothers are happier than stay-at-homers.  (You can read the full story here.)

Well, here is my two cents.

This?  This back and forth about working vs. stay-at-home moms?  It just breaks my heart.  Why would any one person care what another person is choosing for her family?  I would never presume to know what is best for you and your family.  And nobody knows my family better than I do.

So when it comes to this fight?  When it comes to whether working or staying at home is better?

I say this:

It doesn't matter.  That's right, I said it.  IT DOESN'T MATTER.  I'll say it again.  It. Does. Not. Matter.

Why should anyone else care what you choose to do?  Full time?  Part time?  Stay at home?  Circus performer?  I do not care what you choose.  It does not matter to me.  And I certainly don't understand why it would matter to some stranger out in Ohio, or New York, or California.

Only you know what is best for YOUR family.  Only YOU know what makes you happiest.

It doesn't matter if that means sending your children to childcare and working 60 hours a week, or staying home with your children and not leaving them even one time over night, or something in between.

It doesn't matter.

And I don't care.  I do not care what choice you make.

And nobody else should care what you choose either.

As long as a child is being nurtured and loved, it doesn't matter.  As long a child is not being mistreated, abused, or neglected, it doesn't matter.

I am doing what is best for me and my family.

And so are you.

So are the other mothers out there.

We are all mothers.  We all love our children.  We are all doing our best, in whatever way that is.  We are a community.  Let's lift each other up and encourage each other.  Choosing something different for our family and ourselves does not mean we can not all support each other.

We have enough on our plates without feeling like we have to defend our choice to work or stay at home.

We are all mothers.  But we are all individuals.  And we are all doing our best.  For our families.  Every.  Day.  And in the end, that is what matters.


  1. I totally agree. And people seem to forget there is a common word in there among all the descriptions - MOTHER. No matter what kind.

  2. We are all doing our best. That's exactly it. Well said.

  3. Thanks for the shoutout :)

    And yes, what you said. What we do as mothers is always for the well being of our children and family - no one should judge OUR choices.


Any thoughts? I'd love to hear from you!