Jan 25, 2012

I am Not Done

Note: Today, I really am pouring my heart out here.  So please, be nice.  And know that I am not trying to upset anyone or start anything.  That is not how I roll.  It is not who I am.  This is just me.  And my feelings.


I read an amazingly awesome post the other day from Momastery.  It was so well-written, so thought provoking, so "YES" inspiring.

Here is an excerpt from:  2011 Lesson #2: Don't Carpe Diem

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I’m being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times – G, if you can’t handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don’t think it’s quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it’s hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she’s not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn’t add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it’s so hard means she IS doing it right…in her own way…and she happens to be honest.

So, this was not the main point of her post.  And it certainly is not the only thing I took away from her words, but I did shout a big, resounding YES (in my head) when I read this paragraph.  And it pertains to my thoughts here.

I am tired of feeling like I have to explain my desire for another child.  Yes, I have two wonderful children, and yes it is sometimes quite hard with these children, but why in the world does hard end up being equated with being a bad idea to add to the family?

It is frustrating, when I tell people I would like a third baby and they look at me like I just told them I signed up to have my arms removed.  But hey, it's not how everybody feels so I can get over that.  It's when later, in the middle of one kid peeing on the floor, the other screaming at the table because there's something green (a vegetable) on her plate, they bring it up and say, "So, Christine. [chuckle, chuckle, chuckle] Do you still want a third?" that starts to bother me.

I don't care when the question is asked, the answer for me is always yes.  Yes, I want a third.  I want a third when my two act like angels.  I want a third when my two act like... not angels.  Because parenting is going to have hard moments whether you have one, three, or thirteen.

I probably can't explain it very well.  And the best I can say, is that I don't feel done.  My heart does not feel done.

When (and if) we will have another, I can't say for sure.  Will it be hard?  That I am sure of.  But please, just don't look at me like I'm crazy.  Please, don't antagonize me by bringing it up during a difficult parenting time.  And I promise to never look at you with pity or judge you for choosing to have one.  Or six.  Or 26.  Or none at all.


(By the way, you should totally go over to Momastery and check out the real main point behind Glennon's post.  And while you're at it check out her other posts too.  I have only read a handful of them, but so far they are all equal in their amazingly awesomeness.  Glennon has no knowledge of me, or the fact that it feels like she took some jumbled thoughts from my head and used the perfect words I never could have to get them to make sense.  I just think her words are wonderful and that is all.)


Pouring my heart out with Shell


  1. I appreciate you writing this. I feel your pain, It's just as hard being the mother of an only child. Constant comments about the fact that he "needs a playmate" or that "you can"t just have one." I have learned to say that we are happy with the size of our family and I am sure you could use a similar response, such as, this is what we have decided for our family and we are comfortable with that.

    1. Jenni, I can imagine the kinds of comments you get. And the annoyance it could lead to. We are all doing what works for our family.

      Thanks for reading!

  2. So funny, I wrote about this post on PYHO this week too. Must have struck a chord with many of us. I totally get where you're coming from!

  3. Thank you for comment on my blog. My e-mail account is acting up as usual this morning. I wanted to say that I totally understand where you are coming from with this post. It makes a lot sense. I, due to age, am out for having more kids, but had I been younger, I would have to leave the door open because even though my kids drive me absolutely crazy, and there are days that I don't know if I can handle another minute, there is something about having your children in your life. It's your family.

  4. If we all stopped having kids when the ones we had were hard, none of us could ever have more than just one child!

  5. I don't have any children, so I might not be an expert on the matter, but you'll never hear me asking you if you are done yet. I read this article earlier in the week and thought of it immediately after reading your post. http://www.redbookmag.com/kids-family/advice/having-a-third-kid


Any thoughts? I'd love to hear from you!